My own struggle with body image and eating disorders made me need to look a certain way, act a certain way, constantly evaluating myself for something acceptable. When I couldn’t be what I wanted to be, I’d paint it. And when I was… I wasn’t, because it would never be enough.
I once read that the process of it created a sort of high. I don’t know if that is what I felt, I have never felt an addiction to anything. But it felt like chasing down hope to a dead end, and it never really goes away.